Category Archives: the other side

my best laid plans and their untimely demise

Posted on by

0

On Tuesday morning after the holiday weekend, I had big plans. It was June 1, and like I do with every first of every month, I decided it was the perfect time to start anew.

We cleaned our apartment over the weekend. I reorganized my desk. I made myself a schedule of my obligations for the upcoming week. I felt prepared, confident, happy and well-rested. I went to bed early on Monday night in preparation for my Major Life Overhaul on Tuesday morning.

Now, I have professed before to believe that Major Life Overhauls are never good things. Making changes happens step by step. Not in a weekend or after one snaps their fingers. I have lived this. I know it to be true. Still, my guard was down. The holiday weekend’s indulgence combined with an incredibly busy summer ahead tricked me into thinking I could revamp my whole manner of existing overnight. And that it would be marvelously productive.

So on the morning of the big day, Tuesday, June 1, I got right down to it. Except, aside from trying to stick to my plan, I found myself spending a lot of time keeping a mental checklist of what was and wasn’t working…which…wasn’t working. Updating a mental checklist all day long doesn’t make you more productive, ya know? But I soldiered on.

DID
Get up early
Do morning chores
Eat a healthy, filling breakfast
Start working at 10am on the nose
Write a lot all day long
Take a long walk
Have a productive HST business meeting

DID NOT
Do any yoga
Do any bakery work
Complete my To Do List

And this ran through my mind all day long to the point of near-madness. Interestingly, there’s a lot more on the DID list, but I was more focused on the DID NOTS. Because that’s what I do.

All in all, it was a bizarre experiment. Even so, I still naively assumed the changes I put in place on Tuesday, June 1 would stick. That evening, I made my lists for the next day, planned to wake up early – breakfast, chores, work as scheduled. I got into bed at a reasonable time.

…and then I didn’t fall asleep until 3:52am.

Because my body and brain were like “HELL NO, B!T@H. Bemusing attempt, though.”

So much for my brilliant, effective, efficient, responsible, productive, life-altering plan.

This morning, I woke up at a time more normal for my body (based on its habits of the last eight months). I didn’t do any morning chores, I ate breakfast while I sat at my computer, I did work as it came and I still don’t know if I’ll have a chance to workout today or not.

My best laid plans met their untimely demise this morning.

Oh well.

brooklyn margarita happy hour

Posted on by

0

I had a meeting this morning (Harvard Sailing Team met with some movers and shakers to discuss a new project) and now I’m home catching up on blah blah blah before my next meeting.

Except this next meeting isn’t quite a meeting so much as it is a HAPPY HOUR WITH TWO-FOR-ONE MARGARITAAAAAS!!!! I couldn’t be more pleased about this. My friend Michelle Ward (the delightful When I Grow Up Coach lady) and I have been wanting to get together for a while now. And today we’re making it a reality.

First we thought we might do lunch, but when we rescheduled for the late afternoon Michelle suggested Pequena in Fort Greene. She told me they have a margarita happy hour special and my head exploded. I love margaritas, okay?

I’ve actually been to Pequena for dinner once before with a friend – good food and booze, if I remember correctly. I’ll give a more official report after today’s experience.

Alright, I’m off for my happy hour margarita meeting. Tough life, right?

Update: The food was delish and inexpensive, the drinks were, indeed two-for-1, and we had a lovely time! Great place for lunch, happy hour, or dinner.

so I scrubbed the hell out of the shower

Posted on by

1

This day was a long one. I’m sitting on the couch now, at 12:30am, after a 15-hour non-stop day, grouchy, hungry and too stubborn to do anything about any of it. (I mean, I’ll probably have a snack.)

I’m tired. I’ve been working a lot. Long hours. For days. I don’t think I’ve taken an entire day off in a long time. Woe is me, right?

YES. WOE IS ME.

Today was a mixture of a lot of things – some pleasure, some business – but it may have been too much because I’m down for the count now. I’m lucky to have the option to sleep in tomorrow. Very lucky.

I was rereading old blog entries recently, entries from when I was still working at my desk job and trying to keep my negativity in check, trying to keep my situation in perspective, and daydreaming about, well, now. A time when I’d be freer and “happier,” I assumed.

I am MUCH happier in many ways. But this is also a tough, tiring road. Building a career from what often feels like scratch, working toward stuff that sometimes feels elusive, intangible and undefined, laying in bed every night wondering what the next day will bring, what the next month will bring. I know, I know, there’s only power in the Now.

Tell it to my bank account and my busy mind.

I don’t mind the struggle. It exists. And I wouldn’t go back to that desk job for anything. Things are…good. I’m content within my unrest, if that’s possible. I feel further along on this journey to figure out what the hell I’m gonna be when I grow up than I ever have before. Good things happen every single day.

I do yearn for a time when my career is not the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.

All in good time I suppose.

Anyway. I got home tonight, feeling all those things and a million others, feeling all mixed up and hot and sweaty and sick of everything. And I went into the bathroom to rinse off. I brought with me a sponge and a bottle of all-natural cleaner, almost unconsciously. And then I turned on the steaming hot water, got undressed, got in, and scrubbed the hell out of the shower.

I have no idea why I did that. I’ve never done it before. But it felt great.

how to quit your job – 5 steps

Posted on by

12

If you want to quit your job, you are like a staggering number of people in America today. CBS News recently reported that only 45% of US workers find their jobs satisfying. And that’s lowest rate ever recorded in the 22 years they’ve been studying the issue.

If you aren’t happy at your job, why not take the plunge? Yes, there are risks. Yes, it can be scary. But quitting your job to pursue something that makes you happier and more fulfilled is never riskier and scarier than the alternative: remaining stuck a mindless cycle of dreading every day and complaining over a tub of ice cream or a bottle of wine every night.

I quit my job and lived to tell the tale. I worked as a grouchy office assistant for many boring years and it made me want to commit mass murder. I was the ugliest version of myself when I worked at that job. I was dismissive, short-tempered, difficult and I loved rolling my eyes behind people’s backs. (Okay, I still do that.)

Now, 7 months after quitting, I’m happier and more hopeful than I’ve been in years. I might even be a little smarter too. I’m not an expert, I’m just someone who’s been through it and come out thriving on the other side.

The list I’m about to share might seem simple. That’s on purpose. No matter what we may have been led to believe by maybe our parents, our culture, or our bank accounts, quitting your job is simple.

Scary? Risky? Non-traditional? Maybe.

Rocket science? Absolutely not.

Here’s how I did it:

1. Decide WHY. I knew I felt unhappy at my job, but I had to determine exactly why, or I wouldn’t know what I was aiming to fix.

Start by asking yourself why you don’t like the work you do. Is it the people? The atmosphere? The work itself? Is it you? Are you making the situation worse than it is?

Be honest and specific. Make sure you truly know why you want to quit.

2. Decide WHAT. What next? New office? Home office? New career entirely? New city? Decide what you want out of your new lifestyle. If you already know what you want to do – great! You’re well on your way.

For some people, deciding what’s next is the hardest part. Just remember, it doesn’t have to happen right away. Spend some time paying attention to details about yourself that you might not always consider. Like, do you like walking to work? Do you mind commuting? Do you want to work with people, or by yourself? Ask friends and family to tell you where they think your strengths lie. There’s information in those details. Take the time to figure it out.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do next when I set out to quit. I knew I wanted to work for myself, have more control over my own schedule, feel creative, productive and active. It took me about a year to mold that into a career direction. Once I quit my job, I ended up opening an online bakery, becoming a freelance writer and focusing more on my comedy career. And I’m still growing and changing all the time.

3. Decide WHEN. Give yourself a goal date. This helped me tremendously. When I was 27 years old I promised myself that I would quit my desk job by the time I turned 29. When that date rolled around a year and a half later, I briefly considered NOT quitting yet – maybe I could save more money, maybe it wasn’t the right time?

Ultimately, though, I knew I owed it to myself meet the deadline I’d set. When I really thought about it, a new reality was already within reach…so why not go for it? It was the right move. It got me out of a job that I could have stayed in my whole life.

What will it take to get to the next step? Classes? Networking with a new group of people? Delving deeper into a hobby to discover how you might be paid to do what you love? Determine what smaller steps you’ll need to take between now and then. Then set a deadline and commit to it.

4. Save money. From the moment you decide you want to quit your job – in fact, even if it’s just an inkling in the back of your mind – start saving money. Check out my article “10 ways to save for a desk job escape,” which I wrote a few weeks before I quit. Cut corners when you can and trust that you are building an essential nest egg to help fuel your journey outta the doldrums.

My savings was account one of the best things I did for myself. I was able to pull in new income shortly after my desk job ended, but I needed that savings to float me through a few tough months later on and to make ends meet along the way. I was really amazed at how far it took me.

5. Commit to yourself. This is the most important piece of advice I can give you. If you want to quit your job, only your commitment to doing so will make it possible. People who decide to change their lives actively change them, they don’t sit around waiting for it to happen. Lay the traps, write the plans, shake off the fear, bide your time – yes. But after that time is up, take action. There will definitely be days when it feels like a big mistake, the wrong decision, the path of most resistance. On those days, return to the WHY and the WHAT to strengthen your resolve.

You’ll never know what can be if you don’t follow your bliss. Go for it.

this guy

Posted on by

1

Just before I quit my job back in October I got an email from my good friend Geoff, who has a 5-year-old goofball son named, Otto.

Geoff told me he and his wife, Jenny, were in a bind. They needed someone to pick their kiddo up from school once or twice a week, hang out with him for an hour, and drop him off to one of his parents. Geoff was very sweet and told me he realized this might not be how I wanted to spend my time now that I wasn’t working at a desk job, but that if the commitment was of any interest to me, they could really use my help because they were having trouble finding someone.

Little did Geoff know, I love kids so I jumped at the chance. A little extra cash + play time with a munchkin? YES. I was so down for that and flattered that he trusted me.

I’ve spent the last seven months hanging out with little Otto a couple times a week. We go to the park, we go to the bookstore, we get ice cream, sometimes we get french fries or pizza. (Shh! Don’t tell the parents.) He loves Artichoke Pizza, which means he’s one bad ass New Yorker.

Basically, we have a great ol’ time together. He has a lot to say about life, and I love to listen.

Next week will be my last week with the little guy! Geoff’s schedule is changing and he will be able to pick his kid up from school every day – a delightful revolution in the world of a Dad, I’m imagining.

I will miss Otto, but I hope to get to see him from time to time. If only so he can play my “phone game.” He’s obsessed with Brickbreaker on my Blackberry. “I don’t know why I’m so curious about that phone game! I just love it!”

Yesterday he said out of the blue, “I know why you’re sad.”

And I said, “Am I sad?”

He said, “Yeah my mom told me we’re over soon.”

“Oh yeah,” I said, “I am really sad about that.”

Then he got distracted. “Hey! My name is on that building!”

And just like that, our sentimental moment was over. 5 is a fantastic age.

work + coffee

Posted on by

0

Tuesdays are usually run-around days for me.

Today is a rainy, miserable mess. Schlepping around from appointment to appointment has been a big ol’ hassle.

But there’s always a silver lining, isn’t there?

I’m up by Columbia University (116th St. & Broadway) and I found myself a lovely little indoor/outdoor cafe with free Wi-Fi AND an available electrical outlet. (Score!)

So I’ve got myself a cup of decaf and I’m settled in doing some work before my next meeting. I can see, hear and smell the rain, but I can’t feel it. (Also score.)

Rainy days are so wonderful when you’re inside.

p.s. Next meeting is for Harvard Sailing Team – we’re Skyping with Chris and Rebecca, the two members who have moved to California! Can’t wait to talk to them.

stupid brain

Posted on by

0

I took the day off today – something I don’t get to do as often as I thought I would when I quit my desk job last year.

I’ve been working a lot of hours lately – writing, baking, performing and rehearsing. I can’t wait for those hours to be fewer some day, but for now I am building something. It takes time!

It’s hard for me to take a day off – it gives me anxiety. I feel like there are things I could be doing, should be doing, like opportunities and paychecks are slipping through my fingers. It’s kind of ridiculous. So today, instead of staying cooped up in my house on the computer all day long, I decided to shut my own stupid brain up and enjoy the beautiful, warm spring Saturday, guilt-free.

new blog theme!

Posted on by

5

AHHH!!

I just changed the “theme” (Mom, that means the way the page looks) of my blog! I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I’ve had that old theme, the darker one with the blue background and small print, for a LONG time. Since I started follow my bliss a year and a half ago.

I’m nervous to alter it – so funny. So that means I have to do it, right? Follow the fear!

I told you a few days ago that some changes will hopefully becoming to this blog soon. To be completely honest, I’m still formulating exactly what those changes will be, what I want to write about, what kind space I want to create here for us to share.

So this new theme isn’t permanent, but let’s see how it feels for a while, until the next big change happens. And bear with me while I work out some kinks…like that giant Fanny & Jane logo over there on the right. I’ll fix that soon. FIXED!

Pink. I like pink. This will be fun.

exhaustion

Posted on by

2

You guys, I’m exhausted. Since Kevin and I got back from Chicago last week we have both been going non-stop.

It dawned on me the other day – this first year of having quit my job is going fabulously so far, I could not have imagined it would work out the way it has – but once it’s over, I think I will look back on it as a hard year too. Sometimes, it’s hard.

There’s a certain sense of pressure to make it all work, to succeed, to accomplish this thing I set out to do. Of course, I’m already doing it, so there’s no sense dwelling in places that aren’t happening now, but we all know that’s easier said than done.

I am so lucky to have so much support and unconditional faith from my mom, my stepdad, my boyfriend, my friends, my cousins, my aunt and uncle, even my therapist. I am a lucky young lady. And I would not be able to do this all without their undying encouragement.

I don’t feel pressure from them to succeed, interestingly. The pressure is from the inside out. I know this life – one I’ve built for my own fulfillment – is possible. So I try to prove it to myself daily.

Even though the next month, with all of its unknowns, always lurks around the corner, I’ve got to remember to check in with where I am right now. I’ve been pleasantly surprised so far, so there’s no reason to assume that won’t keep happening.

I’ve been working long hours and I’m tired. I go non-stop most days. I lay on the couch at night for maybe 30 minutes, if that, before I pick up the next task or project that I work on until early in the morning. These aren’t complaints, just observations. Nobody else has created this but me, so it must be how I work best. Better to turn off the judgment.

This tired is a good kind of tired, though. Tired to the bone from having worked hard for what I want.

i’ve gained 10 pounds!

Posted on by

6

Quitting my job, still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, has had one less than desirable impact on my life: I’ve gained ten pounds.

Before I write more on that, I want to say this: I happen to think that obsessing about a few pounds gained or lost is not a healthy place for women to spend their energy. I don’t believe in weighing myself every day, in “starting over” every other week on some new diet or plan to finally get to a goal weight I’ve never been able to attain. I don’t believe in skinny jeans or depriving myself of any type of food.

I believe my body is perfect no matter what size it is, that I look great when I want to look great, not when I weigh some “dream” number. I also believe that I exercise to be healthy and sane, not to drop pounds, that I eat well to keep my body functioning properly, not to stay above the yellow line (Biggest Loser reference).

It has, however, taken me years to get to this place of unconditional love and acceptance about my body and my weight. Since I decided to live this philosophy, it has helped me immeasurably in my personal life, my professional life, with my relationship – in every way. Self Love: The Brain’s Wonder Drug.

ANYWAY, I’ve gained 10 pounds. And I’m hoping to lose them because I don’t feel comfortable with them on my frame. I feel sluggish, I’ve noticed my level of fitness has diminished, I’ve noticed I’m reaching for unhealthy foods more often, I don’t feel like I fit comfortably into last summer’s clothes. And I know I can do something about that.

When I began to exercise regularly at the beginning of my weight loss journey at age 21, I did not stop doing so for eight years, more or less. I think I could count on two hands the number of weeks during that time that I didn’t work out and I’ve practiced every kind of imaginable routine. I believe exercise is fundamental for health, well-being, and if you’re trying to lose weight, it keeps your mindset in check.

So before I left my desk job, I used to daydream about the day when I’d be free to make my own schedule – I was certain it would, in part, include hours of exercise.

The exact opposite happened. I wanted to do other things instead. For the first time in almost a decade, working out took a backseat. Sure, I still exercised like I always have. But I skipped days more often, took it easy, did what I wanted to when I felt up to it. Frankly, that’s the kind of exercise routine I’d like to have for the rest of my life – a relaxed one. But in order to accommodate that without gaining weight, I would’ve needed to change my diet, and I hadn’t.

I kept eating the same things I’d been eating even though my exercise level went down. Plus, I went out with friends more, Kev and I had impromptu date nights more often. Again, that’s what I want for my life. But in order to have that, one has to make sure things are balancing out if one doesn’t want to gain weight.

So in almost 8 months of being self-employed, I’ve gained 8-10 pounds. About a pound a month of fun, relaxation and being gentle with myself. I will lose it again. But I kinda like that gained it. Does that sound weird?

It feels like I told myself it was okay to loosen the reigns a little bit, something I hadn’t done in a long time in terms of my weight. I told myself, it’s okay to live it up, eat pizza and tacos when you want to, and finally bask in this freedom that you’ve desired for so long. Now, I don’t need to bask in freedom with food and couch-time, not forever anyway. But for a little while is a-okay with me. The last time I battled a ten-pound weight gain was the year I started dating Kevin. And I didn’t truly mind gaining it then either. I enjoyed our first blissful year as a couple, dinners and drinks and all the rest, and I lost the weight the following year.

I also like it because I can always use extra practice accepting myself exactly as I am. When you are morbidly obese, you do not like yourself. I’m sure you could find people who’re exceptions to that rule, but I was not one of them. As I lost weight, I began to love myself. But I couldn’t help thinking, “Why couldn’t I offer myself this kind of respect and acceptance when I was heavy?”

This will be my third experience over the years of  “Yikes, I gained 10 pounds back” since I lost the 115. But I always lose it again, and it also always helps me practice loving myself all the time, no matter what I weigh.

So if you see me, yes those are new jeans! Because the old ones felt too snug!

I was surprised at how wobbly I was upon re-entering the weight loss game last week. I haven’t been actively trying to lose weight for a few years, so it was strange at first. But soon I felt comfortable with my old methods, habits and tricks – and here we are!

In my world, trying to lose weight doesn’t mean much other than being committed to an exercise schedule, writing down what I eat, and actually saying no to certain tempting foods, instead of “Okay, why not?” If I enjoy anything, (I mean anything besides nachos, brownies, cookies, and pizza) I genuinely enjoy the process of losing weight. I know that sounds bizarre, but I lived as someone who was actively losing weight for years and years. I’m good at it, it gives me something to do, and it can even be fun – at least in my experience.

So that’s the update. I thought you might like to know that being your own boss and working from home, although wonderful, isn’t perfect. Unexpected pitfalls do arise. This one’s mine. Frankly, it was a shock for me that this happened, but now that I recognize how my patterns have shifted, and now that I’ve decided I want to comfortably wear the shorts I bought last summer, I’m re-balancing.

Oh also, I turn 30 in ALMOST SIX MONTHS. (MOM!) So that motivation doesn’t hurt.