Category Archives: Fanny & Jane

new shoes?

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I miss having money!

The bakery did very well over the holidays so my income didn’t change much at all in the months after I left my job. The bakery is still doing well, but it’s not the holiday season right now, which is always the most lucrative time of year for a bakery. So I’m now trying to make ends meet. And I miss having expendable income! Having a salary was fun. I didn’t care for everything that came with it, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to missing it now that it’s gone. I was marveling the other day that there was once a time when I was receiving regular and relatively large sums of money (a paycheck) with complete predictability. That was nice.

Opening a business is a different animal than working at a job that gives you a salary.

I wouldn’t change anything, don’t get me wrong. I’m still loving running Fanny & Jane. I enjoy the baking very much, I enjoy all the aspects of it, really. But I’ve decided to get another job in addition to operating the bakery so that making ends meet is even easier. I wanna have fun with money again! I wanna buy shoes sometimes! Right now, a splurge feels irresponsible. If I had additional income, a splurge might feel deserved. I also wouldn’t feel so guilty about eating dinner out sometimes, or taking a few trips this year.

So, tonight, I went on an interview! The reason it was at night is because it was for a late night shift of – what else – baking! I interviewed and had a trial-run to be a part-time batter maker for another bakery. I had fun! Should they call to offer me the job, I don’t plan to take it because the pay is just not enough, the hours are a little nutty and it involves coming home very very late at night from a kind of sketchy section of Brooklyn, something I’m just not comfortable doing.

So the search for the part time job continues. But having the interview itself was a blast. I got to bake for an hour in a big kitchen, making gigantic batches of cake – batches much larger than we ever make for Fanny & Jane. I loved it and it reaffirmed for me how much I enjoy baking and also how much I enjoy being active while I’m working.

I’ve decided that the key to my getting this job is lifestyle compatibility. How compatible will the job be with my current lifestyle. It’s important to me that I don’t make any rushed choices and end up with a job I dislike, with hours that aren’t good for me, in a neighborhood that’s far away. That’s exactly the job I just came from last fall. So I’m focusing on interviewing for stuff that I can really see myself enjoying, doing well and something that will fit into the life I’m still building. The bakery remains a huge priority, obviously.

So let’s see what comes my way! My interview tonight was an exciting reminder of the possibilities available to me right now. Including the possibility of new pants or a new scarf.

mom, you’ll love this!

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My dad has spent the last ten or more years doing a ton of genealogy research on our family and on the families in the town where my mom, my dad and I were all born, Quincy, Illinois. Just today he sent everyone a bunch of old photos online.

And along with lots of fascinating pictures of family members from my dad’s side, and lots of interesting scans of obituaries from old newspapers, there was this image. It’s a page from a book with photos of a grocery store, a store that was owned by my mother’s side of the family. I was surprised to see this among all the other photos, since there was no other information in my dad’s collection about my mom’s side of the family.

The first sentence on the page says, “E.F. Schullian’s Market was a popular grocery store at 20th and Chestnut for many years. In the 1902 photo seen at the right, Ed Schullian is seen on his store’s steps.” And then it goes on to describe how Ed Schullian continued to build onto the store, including adding a second story in 1908.

The book doesn’t say this, but 25 years after that second story was added, my grandmother would be born and would live her entire childhood on that very second floor!

When I saw my family in DC, my mom and grandma talked for a bit about my great grandmother, Ruth Morris’ store and the home that was above the store. My great grandma died when I was 7, so I remember her and interacted with her often when I was a little kid, even though she was well into her nineties by the time I was old enough to be aware. I’ve always known that my great grandmother owned a grocery store. The store and the house above it are part the story of this family.

The store had been passed down to Ruth by her dad, and by the Schullian family. Ruth then ran the store and lived with her children and their nanny, Helen, on the second floor.

When my mom went to see her grandmother as a little kid, she’d go over to the store, the same one in the picture. It was still open over sixty years after that photo of Ed Schullian was taken in 1902. My mom would spend time with her Grandmother Ruth Morris and with Helen, who a part of our family.

Seeing this picture and all the other pictures of my ancestors today was such a cool experience. I will have to thank my dad for sharing this stuff with me. It was interesting to reflect on the fact that my great great (?) grandfather built, owned and ran a successful grocery store, and passed it down to his children and grandchildren. Maybe there’s something to my getting into this bakery business and this life I’m building. Maybe it makes sense that I’m trying to work for myself and earn my living on my own terms, just the way my ancestors did.

a sunny monday!

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I woke up this morning to see the sun streaming in our front door, and I instantly turned the TV on to check the temp. Mid-fifties and rising! I could not be happier about this.

It was a beautiful weekend here in NYC, sunny and warmer than it’s been in recent weeks, but to wake up on a Monday to bright blue skies and temps even warmer than the weekend – well, that’s my jam right there. I hate to think that I’m so impacted by the weather that I lose a solid two months at the beginning of every year to the doldrums, but that’s just the reality. This spring-like weather makes me ridiculously happy. I feel hopeful, I feel inspired, I am focused on what’s possible rather than on what needs to get done. It’s amazing how that works.

I plan to go for a walk/jog in the park in a few minutes, after I finish this post, finish the Fanny & Jane books (I do the books on Mondays) and throw on some exercise clothes. But when I woke up, I knew I couldn’t wait until I was finished with those tasks to get into the sunshine. So I had breakfast on our stoop.

The sun shines down onto the front of our house for most of the day, which is a lucky thing for a girl who likes to sit on her front stoop. It’s not even 60 degrees out there, but I had breakfast wearing only a tshirt and jeans. It was heavenly!

Fair trade coffee from Trader Joe’s…

And a spinach smoothie with banana, soy milk and flax seed.

And look who joined me for some sunbathing!

Chawser LOVES to hang out on the stoop with us when it’s warm out. We’ll open the door a bit and he’ll venture out at his own pace. We’ve (miraculously) trained him to only stay on the stoop, not to go off onto the driveway or the surrounding gardens. I’m sure if we weren’t out there to regulate him, he’d dart off in whatever direction, but he will sit right next to me for as long as I’ll let him. It was so nice to have a breakfast mate.

My other breakfast mates were two succulents that I have managed to make ill with my incredibly inept green thumb. I was hoping the sun would inspire them back to health. I thought you weren’t supposed to be able to kill these things!

Nothing whatsoever is perfect in my world and I have constant stresses and worries, but this day makes it all seem a little bit simpler. Also? Days like this are why I quit my job. Because I would wake up back then, and head into work, enjoying the heck out of my commute for its amazing views of the city from the Manhattan Bridge, for its ten-minute walk from the subway to the office through a bustling, energizing midtown Manhattan. And then I’d always feel my heart sink a little as I walked into the dark, gloomy office, knowing that I wouldn’t re-emerge for nine hours. And as much as I loved the salary, I always thought, This is not a reasonable trade-off for me. This is not good enough.

Today, even though I have a To Do list ten miles long, a budget to worry about, a bank account I’d love to add a few more zeros to, and an all-around imperfect life, I’m thrilled to get to go for a jog in the spring weather, on MY schedule, when I feel like it. Imperfection is perfect today.

happiness is a state of mind

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I’ve been thinking a lot about this entry today, the one I wrote the day I quit my job.

I’ve been thinking about how much has changed for me since September 1, 2009.

My life is no longer monotonous like it was back then.

And I’ve decided to start standing up to the people that have chosen to judge me.

I spend more time doing the things I love, like taking yoga class more often, going for walks and jogs when the mood strikes me, and spending more time with my friends.

I’ve also had to continue to make tough decisions, like taking a break from my beloved sketch comedy group because I know it’s the best thing for me right now. And dealing with the unnecessary guilt that accompanies a choice like that.

I’ve confronted incredible challenges with my new business, the bakery Fanny & Jane. And learned a lot about what it means to be a small business owner, someone who works for herself and makes her own schedule – things I dreamed about having before I had them, and things I sometimes now wish I could trade back in for just a day.

I’ve also been blessed with exciting success and progress on this company’s journey. Those little steps boost me up every day. And every time I get an email from someone who’s sampled and loved our stuff, or every time we land a new account, attract a new customer, or come up with a smart new marketing idea, I feel inspired and re-invigorated. I don’t have kids, but I can only imagine, as I’ve said before, that starting a new business probably feels, in some small (and much less significant) way, challenging, terrifying, exciting and rewarding in a similar fashion.

But more than all of that stuff, more than the lessons, the joys, the mornings of sleeping in, the evenings of staying out late, the days of eating lunch on my own schedule, more than the excitement and stress of being the captain of my own ship, I have learned one singular thing that stands above everything else:

That old job, that desk job that I blogged for months about leaving, and planned for weeks to escape from, did not make me happy. NOR did it make me unhappy.

Only I control my happiness. My circumstances do not.

I knew that all along, but it’s been really hammered home for me in these last several months during which I”ve been “living the dream,” so to speak.

I am just as occasionally grouchy and stressed out as I was then. I am just as occasionally joyful for no reason and excited about the little things as I was then. I have different stressors now, and I have different challenges. I struggle with different issues and different concerns. I also have new sources of contentment and some of the same old ones.

In essence: I am the exact same person. I just wear pajamas more often. I am just as happy, sad, confused, eager, frustrated, conflicted and optimistic as I always was.

Is that disappointing to hear? I hope not. It’s the truth. The truth is what we all know to be true – happiness is a state of mind.

Duh.

mostly just cat photos

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I went out with friends from improv last night after our rehearsal and had a great time. I’m paying for it a bit today, but I’m so glad I got to chat with those people, swap stories, share mini dramas and major dramas and talk about our lives. It’s so lovely to do that every once in a while.

The final Valentine’s Day deliveries are being made today and then we will officially be DONE with Valentine’s Day as a company. What a relief. Kevin and I cannot wait to spend Sunday cleaning our apartment (we’ll see if we get to that…but we really should) and relaxing. Maybe we’ll go catch a movie too. And then on Monday night he’s taking me out for a special surprise date. Yay!

unnecessary guilt

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So, I want to talk about guilt.

I’ve been experiencing some lately.

We just spent the last week powering through the Valentine’s Day season for Fanny &  Jane. We’re not done yet, there will still be deliveries to make in NYC over the next few days and more sweets to bake for more upcoming orders, but the bulk of our V-Day season is behind us. WHEW. The East Coast is experiencing a massive snowstorm today and Kevin and I are both very grateful to be curled up on the couch taking a momentary break right now while the snow piles up outside. We’ve been working nonstop for the last several days. It wasn’t anything close to the insanity that was the Christmas season, but it’s still been a lot.

With the increase in busy-ness for the business, for which I certainly did anticipate and plan, but for which one can never plan perfectly, I’ve had to let some other normal life things fall to the wayside. Not surprising. And really, that’s going to be the nature of this lifestyle for me for a while. There will be busy times and less busy times. There are times of each month when people wants sweets and times when sweets aren’t quite as desired. And I have to be flexible in order to respond to that demand. Sometimes I will have very little going on and I’ll be able to spend an afternoon reading a book or watching What Not To Wear. But other times, I will be so busy that I can’t make it to rehearsals or shows or I will have to cancel plans with friends or I won’t be able to sit down to eat three square meals a day because there’s just not enough time. It’s hard to learn to adjust to that reality, to learn to plan properly and give myself enough time, but it’s my reality, for better or worse, with all it’s imperfections and joys.

So this is where the guilt comes in. I’m still learning how not to feel terrifically guilty about the way my lifestyle right now might be impacting other people or other commitments I’ve made to myself.

For instance. I did not realize when I started this 30 Day Yoga Challenge that the Valentine’s Day rush would happen right at the end of it. Therefore, I’ve missed two days of my 30 Day Challenge. UGH. Of course, that’s no big deal in the grand scheme of my life. And stressing out over missing two days is exactly the opposite of what I’m hoping to achieve with the yoga challenge. NATURALLY, I’m human and it’s not surprising that this happened. I own a bakery and it’s almost Valentine’s Day. Duh. Also, I’m not a robot and I’ve never been an over-achiever. But it’s very difficult for me not to feel guilty and disappointed in myself because I can’t reconfigure time and invent a 27-hour day.

Another area in my life about which I’ve been feeling guilty is my comedy stuff. As I’ve mentioned many times, I do improv and sketch comedy four nights a week, and have been doing so for years. I love it, it’s fun and rewarding and makes me feel happy and joyful. But it’s also a big time commitment. And sometimes I can’t make it to rehearsals and sometimes, the most responsible move for my business would be for me to skip a show. I do that when I absolutely must, but I can’t do it all the time or it would be unfair to my teammates, who do the best they can to show up every week.

I certainly don’t think my life is busier or more stressful than anyone else’s. But this is all still very new to me – running this business, growing it, learning how to own a company and market a product and turn a profit. I’ve never done any of it before and it’s easily one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but ooboy I’m in deep, wonderfully, terrifyingly deep. It is hard for me not to feel guilty when my business takes over my world for two weeks and I have to cancel and skip every activity on my calendar.

For that reason, I’ve decided to take three to four months off from Harvard Sailing Team, my sketch comedy group. This was an incredibly difficult decision, since those people are my family, and since we’ve been doing shows together and seeing each other twice a week for five years. A few of us have taken several months off throughout the years to pursue other stuff, so it’s not a huge departure from the norm, but it’s still tough. I wrote them all an email last night announcing my little decision and then wondered if I’d made the right choice right after I sent the email. But the reality remains that I’m having trouble balancing it all. I’m late to rehearsals because I didn’t anticipate the hour-long line at the post office (Piece of advice? Always plan for an hour-long line at the post office.), I forget to respond to emails because I’m not on the computer as much as I used to be and stuff gets lost in the shuffle, I can’t focus quite as intently during practices and shows because I’m thinking about what I need to do for the bakery as soon as I’m done.

So it’s time to step back, take a break, and figure out how to balance this all. I know a lot of what will solve my stress is more planning ahead, determining a more realistic time frame for how long it takes, for instance, to wait in line at the post office. But I haven’t learned how to do it all yet. And I don’t see myself learning quickly if I don’t give myself some space to do so. Taking a few months off, which is really such a short period of time and is going to absolutely fly by, will be a good way to move a few items off my To Do List and clear my head space a little bit. It’s scary and hard and I’m sure I’m going to miss the hell out of it – I joked with my friend and teammate Clayton today on the phone that I’m probably going to be standing outside the window of their rehearsal room one night a month from now with my face pressed up against the glass – but I know this is a decision I’m making for my mental wellness.

It was either make this choice to take some time off, or feel guilty more often than not about my inability to do it all.

I’m not sure that guilt serves anyone. It doesn’t serve me to be upset with myself for missing two days of my yoga challenge. And it doesn’t serve me to feel badly for not being able to reconfigure the postal system so that it runs more efficiently. I am a good person and I do the best I can do. There are simply things that are out of my control. I can only pray for patience and understanding from my friends and family and, more importantly, from myself.

So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

update

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It’s busy season again! Not a bad thing at all, but it’s busy. It’s nice to see how much we learned from the Christmas rush, and how this Valentine’s season is made simpler because of that. I’ve gotten much better at scheduling what needs to be done, prioritizing, and being realistic about time frames. It takes time to bake stuff, you guys.

I feel like I have nothing in the world to write about right now except the 30 Day Y0ga Challenge and the bakery. Because in many ways that’s all I have going on. It’s simple and lovely, in a way.

The cold weather is killing me – I can write about that for a few sentences.

I cannot wait for the summer. I daydream about it every day. And I daydream about this time next year when Kevin and I are just returning from having spent the month of January in a warm, tropical location. Big dream, right? I figure if I set out to leave my job LAST January and I made that a full-fledged reality by THIS January, what can I do by NEXT January? “Live somewhere warm for one month in the winter” seems like as good of a goal as any.

My shoulder is so much better – not perfect, but healing. Yoga is wonderful and hard and I’m so glad I’m doing this challenge. I’ve lost track of what day I’m on – somewhere close to Day 20. My arms feel thinner, my legs feel slimmer, my waist feels firmer, and mentally I feel much more balanced. I’m going to be sad when it’s over – and maybe also a little bit relieved. 30 days is a long time! But I’m loving it. This was an awesome gift to give to myself.

I’m also hanging out with an insightful and spirited four-year-old for two hours every Tuesday and Friday lately. He’s a fantastic dose of realism in my world. Geoff and Jenny, his parents, have done a phenomenal job with this little guy.

The other day I was telling him that I hurt my shoulder some how, that it was bothering me. He asked me how I hurt it. I explained that I wasn’t really sure how I hurt it.

He said, “I know! You hurt it when you were exercising! You fell down.”

Maybe, I said. And then I explained to him that when you’re older, when you’re a grown-up, your body sometimes aches more often than it does when you’re a kid. That grown-ups fall down and are sore for a few days, while little kids can fall down, on the playground for example, and bounce right back up. Little kids bodies are made that way, I told him.

He said, “Well. I guess it’s a lot more fun to be a kid than to be a grown-up.” Of course, I had to laugh out loud and tell him, “You might be right.”

Oh, one more thing. I wanted to tell you all that, more than ever before, I keep having these moments recently where I realize that I quit my job and haven’t worked there for almost a third of a year now – and I’ve survived! And I’m happy and enjoying what I’m doing! I don’t know what’s around the next corner – I really haven’t a single clue – but do we ever really? And I’m still absolutely loving my new life. It’s so much simpler and more my style. The other day I spent the day baking, and then I headed into the city around 5:30pm for a rehearsal. I realized that I used to be sitting at my desk at 5:30pm, wouldn’t have been able to make it to that rehearsal, didn’t get out of work until 7pm.

Leaving that job, as beneficial as it was for my bank account and my health insurance policy-holding status (I know, Mom. I know.), remains one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

a quick one

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Y’all. I hurt my shoulder. Doing what? Probably doing yoga. Or maybe it’s an old injury from years ago at the gym. Or maybe my winter coat is too tight. Either way, it’s all messed up. So I’m nursing it back to health. I’m still holding up my commitment to do yoga every day, but I’ve been doing less – I’ve been taking restorative classes, doing some stuff in my living room, taking it easy in class and always telling my teacher that I’m injured.

What else? Fanny & Jane Valentine’s Day Special is up! Wheee!

We put together Sweet Love Chocolate Boxes, filled with our most popular sweets (and personal favorites).

We’re doing $1.00 Flat Rate Shipping if you place an order by THIS WEDNESDAY, Feb 3 at midnight. So take advantage of that if your little heart desires. Maybe send a little Valentine gift to your Mother, or daughter, or hey, your brother. Thanks so much for all the orders we’ve gotten so far!

Look at this adorable card that Teresa of BelWell designed for us to give away for FREE with our orders! I love it.

Beyond that, we’re donating 10% the proceeds from every Chocolate Box order to Doctors Without Borders for Haiti Relief. That makes me happy.

You can place an order here. :)

salted peanut butter BUCKEYES!

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If you’re not from the midwest you may never have heard of the Buckeye. I have several native New Yorker friends who didn’t know what they were.

Well, I’m pleased to announce that the newest edition to the Fanny & Jane menu is our special version of this classic chocolate bon bon. Announcing the Salted Peanut Butter Buckeye! (Cheers erupt, the crowd goes wild!)

This, believe it or not, is the first new item we’ve had on the menu in quite some time!! Having been totally overwhelmed with and blessed by tons of holiday orders, we didn’t add anything new during November and December, so this is a very exciting day for me, personally. Mostly because I’m a Sweet Treat Geek.

When I was home for the holidays and stopped by my Aunt Lisa and Uncle Kel’s house (Hi, Aunt Lisa!!) for a visit one afternoon, my uncle offered me a Buckeye. They’d received an adorable box of them as a gift from a family they’re close to. I ate one and then drifted off to heaven to enjoy the peanut butter goodness. Then I ate another. Then I split another one with Kevin. Oof. They’re divine. Plus, I’m a huge peanut butter person, thanks to my grandmother, from whom I most certainly inherited my daily semi-medical need for the stuff.

And I got to thinking: We definitely need a peanut butter item on the F&J menu. I wonder if I could come up with my own recipe for these.

Then, I forgot about them. When I got back to New York a few weeks later, I was brainstorming one afternoon with my good friend, colleague, and a very knowledgeable pastry chef, James (Hi, James!!!) about what new item I should add to the menu next. And he, out of the blue, suggested the Buckeye! I couldn’t believe it. First of all, I was shocked he even knew what they were, since he’s from New Jersey. (But this guy really knows his stuff, so it wasn’t THAT shocking.) And secondly, I was so delighted that I’d had these little peanut butter wonders on the brain and he’d thought they’d make a great edition to the line too. So, of course, I’m not one to deny synchronicity. And I got to work coming up with the Fanny & Jane version.

Our Salted Peanut Butter Buckeyes are dipped in luscious milk chocolate. For a crunch, we’ve added graham cracker bits to the peanut buttery center. Also, since salty + sweet is a match made in heaven, we added a little Fleur de Sel to finish them off. They’re delicious and I’m crazy about them. I have to hide them from myself because I will literally consume dozens otherwise.

You can order some here.

day 11 – 30 day yoga challenge

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I know I’ve been posting a lot of cat pictures lately, but how could I not? LOOK AT HER. They are the apples of our eye, these cats. We’re huge dorks about them. But that’s how it is with pets. You know it’s true.

Wednesday was Day 11 of the 30-Day Yoga Challenge! I’m writing this blog entry on Thursday night, after successfully completing Day 12. Very exciting. I’m really proud of myself.

Day 11, however, was an anomaly.

I woke up in the morning on Wednesday at an earlier hour than usual. Yes! The sleep schedule is improving. And I got to work on Fanny & Jane stuff right after breakfast/computer time. I ended up spending most of the entire morning and afternoon workworkworking and before I knew it, it was time to pack up and head to yoga. But first I had to ship some parcels, and I also had to organize the packages of sweets I was going to be dropping off to Simple Studios and The PIT. There was just a lot to be done! And so I got out the door a bit late and by the time I was on the subway, I’d come to accept that I wasn’t going to be able to make it to yoga class. I was going to be too late.

I felt mild panic. This is not what’s supposed to be happening, I thought. Panic over a yoga class. It’s supposed to be the opposite. “Supposed to.” Anyway, I calmed myself down and asked myself what my options were. After shipping packages I had to head off to The PIT for the first night of the new 2010 House Team sets. Definitely couldn’t miss that - big night for The PIT community! So I determined that  yoga class was not going to happen. Wow. What now? I thought. Well, I’ll just have to do some when I get home tonight. Whenever that might be.

I told myself this would be a 30-Day Yoga Challenge and I’d decided, for the most part, that I’d take hour-long yoga classes every day. But occasionally, I knew I’d have to do yoga podcasts at home OR, in the worst case scenario, only do a few minutes of yoga one day. I’m lucky to be able to fit in an hour-long class (plus the commute to and fro) every day – very lucky, but I knew there might come a strange day where I just couldn’t fit it in.

So I went to the PIT shows on Wednesday night (great shows, great time) and then I went out afterward with friends. This is something I rarely, if ever, do on Wednesday nights. I’m just not a big drinker so it’s not that fun for me to hang out at the bar for a long time. But every once in a while, I’ll go, and I’m always glad I do. Last night was a special night because we recently had auditions for House Teams (which we do every year) and lots of people were moved onto new teams, some people were cut entirely, new people were added and we we’ve all been grappling with the 2009 version of things coming to an end. These little teams are families, in many ways. We spend tons of time together and have lots of shared experiences, so it’s tough when things change. Last night was definitely a night to go out and honor that. So I was happy to be out chatting and reminiscing with my friends.

I had three or four beers! What! I felt pretty good when I got home since they were spaced out throughout the night, but that’s still a lot for me.

I arrived home around 2:30am.

And then…I did 13 minutes of yoga.

YUP!

I am SO proud of myself for this it’s ridiculous. I definitely did not want to do it and I definitely did want to go right to bed, but I knew I could just put on my pj’s, roll out my mat, and at least lay there for a few minutes and do some gentle stretching. So I did that and then some. It felt great, actually, to be stretching the day out and to just take that little time to check in with myself.

So, Day 11? Checkmark!

I went back to an hour-long class today, Thursday, and it was nice to be back. I’d missed it! But this challenge has been hard for me the past few days, physically speaking. My body is tired and some of the poses are even harder or just as hard as they always are. I might be due for a restorative class soon. (Did one last Saturday…)

I’m also struggling mentally on the mat sometimes. It’s hard to be open-hearted and not judge myself all the time. I’m working toward it, but sometimes I’m just grouchy. I felt like that all day today. Irritable, grouchy and fed up with the world. The yoga glow isn’t gonna happen 24/7, at least not after only 11 Days.

So it’s a process. As I practice not judging myself for my limitations and not expecting miracles, I’m still glad I’m doing this. I’m proud of myself.

Here’s a picture of Chawser and his dad. Kevin had just gotten home from a long weekend trip and Chawse was drunk with contentment over his return.