Category Archives: cats and dogs and pets

mostly just cat photos

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I went out with friends from improv last night after our rehearsal and had a great time. I’m paying for it a bit today, but I’m so glad I got to chat with those people, swap stories, share mini dramas and major dramas and talk about our lives. It’s so lovely to do that every once in a while.

The final Valentine’s Day deliveries are being made today and then we will officially be DONE with Valentine’s Day as a company. What a relief. Kevin and I cannot wait to spend Sunday cleaning our apartment (we’ll see if we get to that…but we really should) and relaxing. Maybe we’ll go catch a movie too. And then on Monday night he’s taking me out for a special surprise date. Yay!

day 11 – 30 day yoga challenge

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I know I’ve been posting a lot of cat pictures lately, but how could I not? LOOK AT HER. They are the apples of our eye, these cats. We’re huge dorks about them. But that’s how it is with pets. You know it’s true.

Wednesday was Day 11 of the 30-Day Yoga Challenge! I’m writing this blog entry on Thursday night, after successfully completing Day 12. Very exciting. I’m really proud of myself.

Day 11, however, was an anomaly.

I woke up in the morning on Wednesday at an earlier hour than usual. Yes! The sleep schedule is improving. And I got to work on Fanny & Jane stuff right after breakfast/computer time. I ended up spending most of the entire morning and afternoon workworkworking and before I knew it, it was time to pack up and head to yoga. But first I had to ship some parcels, and I also had to organize the packages of sweets I was going to be dropping off to Simple Studios and The PIT. There was just a lot to be done! And so I got out the door a bit late and by the time I was on the subway, I’d come to accept that I wasn’t going to be able to make it to yoga class. I was going to be too late.

I felt mild panic. This is not what’s supposed to be happening, I thought. Panic over a yoga class. It’s supposed to be the opposite. “Supposed to.” Anyway, I calmed myself down and asked myself what my options were. After shipping packages I had to head off to The PIT for the first night of the new 2010 House Team sets. Definitely couldn’t miss that - big night for The PIT community! So I determined that  yoga class was not going to happen. Wow. What now? I thought. Well, I’ll just have to do some when I get home tonight. Whenever that might be.

I told myself this would be a 30-Day Yoga Challenge and I’d decided, for the most part, that I’d take hour-long yoga classes every day. But occasionally, I knew I’d have to do yoga podcasts at home OR, in the worst case scenario, only do a few minutes of yoga one day. I’m lucky to be able to fit in an hour-long class (plus the commute to and fro) every day – very lucky, but I knew there might come a strange day where I just couldn’t fit it in.

So I went to the PIT shows on Wednesday night (great shows, great time) and then I went out afterward with friends. This is something I rarely, if ever, do on Wednesday nights. I’m just not a big drinker so it’s not that fun for me to hang out at the bar for a long time. But every once in a while, I’ll go, and I’m always glad I do. Last night was a special night because we recently had auditions for House Teams (which we do every year) and lots of people were moved onto new teams, some people were cut entirely, new people were added and we we’ve all been grappling with the 2009 version of things coming to an end. These little teams are families, in many ways. We spend tons of time together and have lots of shared experiences, so it’s tough when things change. Last night was definitely a night to go out and honor that. So I was happy to be out chatting and reminiscing with my friends.

I had three or four beers! What! I felt pretty good when I got home since they were spaced out throughout the night, but that’s still a lot for me.

I arrived home around 2:30am.

And then…I did 13 minutes of yoga.

YUP!

I am SO proud of myself for this it’s ridiculous. I definitely did not want to do it and I definitely did want to go right to bed, but I knew I could just put on my pj’s, roll out my mat, and at least lay there for a few minutes and do some gentle stretching. So I did that and then some. It felt great, actually, to be stretching the day out and to just take that little time to check in with myself.

So, Day 11? Checkmark!

I went back to an hour-long class today, Thursday, and it was nice to be back. I’d missed it! But this challenge has been hard for me the past few days, physically speaking. My body is tired and some of the poses are even harder or just as hard as they always are. I might be due for a restorative class soon. (Did one last Saturday…)

I’m also struggling mentally on the mat sometimes. It’s hard to be open-hearted and not judge myself all the time. I’m working toward it, but sometimes I’m just grouchy. I felt like that all day today. Irritable, grouchy and fed up with the world. The yoga glow isn’t gonna happen 24/7, at least not after only 11 Days.

So it’s a process. As I practice not judging myself for my limitations and not expecting miracles, I’m still glad I’m doing this. I’m proud of myself.

Here’s a picture of Chawser and his dad. Kevin had just gotten home from a long weekend trip and Chawse was drunk with contentment over his return.

a weekend bah mahself

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My boyfriend has been out of town since Thursday night for a long weekend trip to Charleston, South Carolina. His improv group is performing in the January Comedy Festival this weekend. They’re having a blast, I’m sure. I’m so glad for him that he’s been able to escape town to a warmer climate, hang out with some great friends and spend three days straight partying and laughing.

And so, here I am. In our little apartment doing the alone thang for a few days. He encouraged (begged) me to reach out to some friends to have sleepovers or get-togethers this weekend and I love my friends and would certainly enjoy such activities. But I’m also enjoying the hell out of this total peace and quiet. I’ll see friends tonight at the Harvard Sailing Team show. Maybe I’ll even have a drink with them afterward, or maybe not. Regardless, the evening will be fun and great and we’ll laugh, like always. And then I’ll probably retreat back here to my little haven, where the cats are adorable and the TV’s always tuned to TLC.

This peace and quiet has been something I’ve needed for quite some time now. I’m incredibly content with my day to day life lately, don’t get me wrong. There’s precious little I could want or need beyond what I’ve been blessed with lately. Still, to have several days of uninterrupted personal time is always welcome in my world.

I was an only child, people. Not everyone knows what that’s like. And I’m sure it’s not the same for every only child. For me, I had a vibrant alone-life as a kid. I talked to myself and sang to myself and had a lot goin’ on in my brain all the time. I took good care of my toys and couldn’t believe my eyes when I’d go over to my cousins’ house (four sisters) and their Christmas gifts were all mixed together, strewn about the house and some already had limbs missing (the toys, not the sisters). Sure, my Christmas gifts got strewn about the house too, but I’d sooner have locked myself, the toys and a kitchen knife in the closet before I’d let someone else mess them up.

I’m still not AMAZING at sharing. Not out of selfishness – I love to share anything I have with anyone who wants it – but just due to a lack of awareness. I’ll put the milk away without offering Kevin some for his coffee. He can’t understand why I wouldn’t think of him. I DO think of him! I just forget! I grew up alone for 18 years! I’m still adjusting to there being someone else’s cup to pour milk into!

I spent plenty of time with friends, family and loved ones as a kid. I also spent plenty of time alone. Making up games, inventing rituals. I remember vividly asking my mom one afternoon what the heck I was supposed to do all day long by myself. And she said, “Use your imagination!” And I said, “My imagination’s all used up.” It wasn’t, of course. But it felt that way sometimes.

Still, don’t feel bad for the only child. They adjust – happily – to being solitary, independent individuals. I LOVE being alone now. I’ve said it a million times on this blog. I love to be around people. I’m also quite, quite content being by myself.

In December, out of necessity and thanks to the good will of my dear friends, this apartment was filled with people every day of the week. Amazingly generous people who helped me grow my small business out of the kindness of their hearts. And it was wonderful. It was also, at times, a little stressful to have the place filled with so many humans, to have to be social for so many hours each day. I loved it and I was grateful for it and I was tired from it. (Oh and also I was tired from baking a bazillion red velvet cakes. Oh yeah.)

When we went to the ‘burbs in Illinois for Christmas, I was thrilled to be around family and old friends. It was also a bit exhausting to be so social for so many days in a row. Kevin and I had several days at the end of the trip that we spent relatively alone, hanging out at my parents’ house, relaxing, eating, driving around. It was peaceful and quiet and we were lucky to have that time. (Thanks, Mom!) But I wasn’t quite alone. I haven’t gotten to the point in my relationship (in fact, I hope to never get to this point) where I consider Kev and I to be the same person. So as peaceful as it was, I still wasn’t totally by myself.

And now I finally have this solitary time, which my loving boyfriend indirectly gifts to me every once in a while when he takes road trips to different comedy festivals on the Eastern seaboard with his improv groups. If our relationship could work this way for the rest of time, I would be thrilled. Many days in a row of being together, and then, every once in a while, a few days of being apart. In these most recent instances, he gets to go off and eat, drink and be merry with a big group of hilarious friends. And I get to sit quietly on my couch sipping coffee and writing. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! What more could I ask for?!

Being in a full-time, live-in relationship is an adjustment for an only child. Sure, I’ve had roommates, but it’s not the same. Living with your significant other, and this last year and a half is the first time I’ve ever done so, implies a near-constant With-Other-ness. And that’s okay. I hope to have children and a family and I imagine much of my life going forward will be spent With Others. It’s probably better for the person who’s drawn to being by themselves a lot to have a big family, otherwise we might become hermits.

But for now, I’m still adjusting to living with another constantly. I love living with him and I love him. And Kevin and I tend to have a good deal of independence in our relationship. But I’m still adjusting to having to think about putting milk in someone else’s coffee, to letting go of control over the TV remote (something the Only Child Brain almost can’t even comprehend), to turning my radio down because someone else hates the show I’m listening to. I’m still adjusting to sharing the bed, coordinating shower time, accepting input on the decor and the grocery list. I’m still adjusting to the increase in conversation. More talking. There’s more talking now. “Honey. Please. Shush,” I say sometimes. The poor guy. He’s really good about understanding, though, when I just need to be left alone. Sometimes he will even say, without me prompting him, “You want me to shut up now.” I just smile and blow him a smooch.

Besides offering me some social rest, the alone time I’m getting this weekend also gives me the space to fully indulge in the stuff I love to do, without interruption. I’m on Day 7 of my 30-Day Yoga Challenge and it’s still really lovely. I’m sore and I can’t seem to get un-sore, but I’m learning a ton about myself and I feel physically and mentally quite strong and balanced. And I almost feel like I’m on a little Monk-like Yoga Retreat since so much of my experience for the last two days has been couched in silence and solitude. I might go crazy if this quietness were to last the full 30 days of the challenge (or would I?) but to have experienced this simplicity for even a portion of these 30 days has been really nice.

Of course, there are the cats. I come home to them each night and I chirp happily to them, while they mew back at me, about my day and what we will do with ourselves this evening. They “talk” to me and cuddle with me and sleep curled up next to me. So I’m not really, truly alone. I am so lucky to have them, these little beings. They are filled with such personality and expression and curiosity. They’re also incredibly independent creatures. Perhaps that is why I relate to them.

So, in conclusion, (Remember in 5th grade when every essay you wrote had to end with In Conclusion?) I’m having a lovely weekend. I’m enjoying my yoga (even though my thighs seem to have left my body and replaced themselves with two immovable steel beams), I’m enjoying my cats, I’m enjoying the simple meals-for-one I’m preparing for myself, I’m not making enough coffee every morning because I underestimate how much I can drink by myself, and I’m happy.

Oh, and did I mention (I didn’t) that I happen to be reading Eat Pray Love right now? This was not an intentional choice – that I would read this spiritual book at the same time I’d be embarking upon my Yoga Challenge and at the same time I’d be having a Me Weekend. I borrowed a copy from my good friend Rebecca (who just moved to LA! waaaah!!!) just before she left town last weekend. And after trying my darnedest to get through Julie & Julia (which, I’m sorry, I just can’t get through – I really disliked it…), I finally gave up one night and cracked open Eat Pray Love and, of course, haven’t put it down since. Reading that book while going on this little spiritual, independent journey of my own is almost like wearing the T-Shirt to the concert. That’s okay. I can be that guy.

some things i’ve learned about myself since quitting my desk job

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You know how it is. Life changes, you change. You graduate high school, and then you’re suddenly several months into college, marveling at how different you’ve become in such a short period of time. I remember during my freshman year discovering a love for cheap Chinese food, tote bags, and the color yellow, none of which I liked that much before I started college.

And then you graduate college and a few months later, you realize you’ve been working in the Real World for a while now and you’re suddenly an adult! You pay bills and have an apartment and show up for work every day (most of the time). And you begin to reflect on how different your life is now, how you’ve changed. It happens over and over again. And it’s happening to me right now.

Two days ago marked exactly three months since my last day at my desk job. I’ve learned a lot about myself in these three months and, in some ways, I’m a different person than I was when I walked out of that office for the last time in October. I’m reflecting on that today. Please pardon the ego-centric nature of this post. It’s all about me and my life and what I feel and think about how things have changed in my life. A little self-centered perhaps. Then again, most posts on this blog are about me. You’ll skip it if you’re not interested, I trust.

Here are some things I’ve learned about myself, and some ways in which I’ve changed, since quitting my job.

There aren’t as many hours in the day as I thought there were. When I was working full-time at a desk job I would always complain to myself (and usually to anyone else who’d listen) about how much time I felt I was “wasting” by showing every day up to contribute to someone else’s company, someone else’s ambition. I couldn’t help but lament how much more I might be able to get done in the interest of my own goals and plans if I had those hours to myself.

And yes, I do indeed have much more time now than ever before to focus on getting work done for myself, for my goals and for my bakery. But oh boy does the time pass more quickly now. Before I know it, it’s 6pm and the sun’s gone down (damn you, Winter!) and it’s time to find some dinner. I guess time passes verrrry slowly when you’re working at a desk job you don’t like, and, conversely, time passes very quickly when you’re happily doing your own thang.

My true sleep rhythm doesn’t care what I want. I’ve talked before about My Big Sleep Problem. If I let my body do exactly what it chooses to do, I will be awake until 4am each night and wake up at 11am each day. This is not a schedule that is conducive to Being a Productive Part of Our Society. Or maybe it is a perfectly fine schedule, maybe plenty of people get by on that schedule. But I’d personally prefer to sleep and wake at more common times. My body, however, has other plans. I didn’t fall asleep last night until FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. AHHHGGRRHHHH. I’m bound and determined to change this issue, hopefully this week. But should my efforts fail, there may come a time when I just have to accept that this is my natural rhythm. On the flipside, my propensity to keeping these odd hours means I will be well-suited to being a new mom. Or a graveyard shift employee.

Taking regular daytime yoga classes is a wonderful luxury that I am lucky to be able to afford myself. This is not something I did quite as much in late 2009 as I’d hoped I would. Mostly because I was working myself ragged baking yummy sweets for the masses and I barely ate or slept, let alone practiced yoga. But 2010 so far? Oh baby. I’m having a yoga revolution. I have, at minimum, taken a yoga class every other day since January 1. Sometimes more often. And I’m just loving it. I’m finding the cheapest classes in the city – the special deals, the “community” classes – and I’m enjoying the hell out them. It’s brought such a lovely sense of peace and strength into my life to be practicing regularly – I feel alive. And best of all! I went to a free open house class yesterday at Ishta Yoga in Manhattan and discovered at the end of the class that they were having a one day deal where I could buy an UNLIMITED MEMBERSHIP FOR ONE MONTH FOR $40. WHAT. That is the cheapest deal that’s ever crossed my path. Month-long memberships are usually hundreds of dollars here in NYC. $40 is an absolute steal. And this place is wonderful, the class I took was great, the energy and vibe of the studio are really nice, and I’m excited to try it out for a month. I *might* just go once each day. AAAHHH! AWESOME BUT CHEAP YOGA! My dream come true.

If I don’t give myself things to do, I will gladly lay around and watch TV. Maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you don’t like Oprah as much as I do. Maybe you wouldn’t buy stock in TLC if you had extra money to throw around. Maybe you don’t think “Little Miss Perfect” is the best scary show on television and maybe you don’t care what John Stewart has to say about the state of the world. Maybe you don’t want to see a group of obese people workout for 12 hours a day and drop hundreds of pounds before your very eyes. Maybe we are different.

Before I quit my job, I barely watched any TV. I was never home! And now that Kevin and I are both working from home we actually make it a rule to rarely have the TV on during the day. Even so, I’ve still got to keep full running lists of what needs to get done in my world. Because without that inspiration and direction, Oprah starts at 4pm every single day.

I feel happier and more sane when I’m not rushing around or cramming my days full of every possible activity and task. My new and welcome reality is that I generally feel much more peaceful now than I did before I quit my job. I’m just more relaxed, not as stressed out, not as anxious, more confident and content. It’s nice. I absolutely do not lead a perfect life. All my problems have not been solved. I still don’t always do the dishes when I should, I still have to fight myself to get more veggies into my diet. I still argue with my boyfriend and get annoyed with people and I still hate cleaning the apartment. But that stuff aside, I’m much more content now.

The pace of this town leads many of us, especially when we’re in our early twenties and have just graduated college and are shot as if out of a canon into the real world, to believe that we have to fill every hour of the day with something that’s going to advance our careers OR something that’s going to help us unwind because of how hard we’re trying to advance our careers. People in this town work hard and play hard. And it’s exhausting. Since quitting my job, I’ve given myself permission to live a more gently-paced life. It’s important to me. My internal clock has begun to slow down and I’m no longer exhilarated by the idea of leaving the house at 8am and go-go-going until 1am. I spent almost the entire decade of my twenties living with that pace as my norm. I have a new norm and I like it.

I like to spend time alone. I knew this before, I know it more now. There seems to be no such thing for me as too much alone time. Sure, I like to see my friends and interact with other humans. But hours and hours of quiet time to myself suits me just fine too.

I believe in high-quality self care. I realize that sounds cheesy as hell, especially when I use the term “high-quality.” It’s like I’m talking about administering top-level treatment to myself at a hospital. I just mean that I believe in taking good care of myself. If I’m not going to do that for myself, who’s going to do it for me? Someday I’ll be a mom and have a family and many more priorities and To Do’s and it will be much harder for me to put myself first. So I’m taking advantage of the luxury of this time and space while I can.

I thrive off challenge. The December madness of Fanny & Jane was surreal. It was not a humane time for me, nor for Kevin. There was no sleeping and no eating and the wearing of the same outfit a lot of the time. But it wasn’t horrific by any means. It was hard, but it wasn’t my worst nightmare. It was simply an incredible challenge. And although I will, next time, be better prepared for such a challenge and will not let things get that nutty, I learned, in retrospect, that I work well in those situations. I am good under pressure and my brain loves the difficulty. An interesting thing to learn about oneself, for sure.

When I put my mind to something it will get accomplished. See above.

I love to spend time with my family and hope that we all live closer together someday. I knew this one too before I quit my job. But it was reaffirmed for me over the holidays. Plus, now that I’m living a life more in line with the one I want for myself, I know for sure that my family needs to be part of my day to day world. I’m not sure if that will ever happen in a physical way – that some of us will live in the same place – but I hope it will. My cousins, for instance, are some of my best friends. They are beautiful women and I like them too. Maybe they will move to New York. They protest when I bring it up, but maybe one day they will wake up and all their stuff will be moved to New York and they will have no choice but to come live here. I mean, who knows. Stranger things have happened.

I’m having a great time being a young adult. It’s really great! Sometimes it’s hard to grow up – stuff happens like people you love do hurtful things that make you go, “Huh?” or your dear friends move far away because this is the time of our lives when that stuff happens, or you’re broke or you don’t have health insurance. But for the most part, it’s really pretty great. You get to go to the weddings of your best friends, you get to meet the babies of your high school besties (Hi, Heather and Jeff!), you get to watch people you knew in middle school turn into grown-ups while you turn into one yourself, you get to experience young love and you get to make big life decisions, some of them for the first time ever, and you also get to stay out late and play with your friends and get over your hangovers relatively quickly. As I young adult, you get to have many of the perks of being a kid and many of the perks of being an adult and I am NOT taking it for granted, not for one second. I’m having a great time.

I no longer view my life in terms of “someday.” This is it. Here. Now. It’s surprisingly relaxing to realize that.

If I trust myself, stay hopeful and believe in what’s possible, good things really do come to me. It happens time and again.

I may have a sugar addiction. I’m okay with that. I haven’t done a daily dessert blog in months. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still eating dessert every day. I had, for instance, one of the best cookies of my life last night. And some other cookies today. That’s how it is.

I can get by without spending much money at all. There’s not very much that I need or want besides yoga classes and Chipotle burritos.

I am blessed, beyond measure. I have had so many cool opportunities in my young life, and I’ve had so many second chances. I’ve met so many wonderful people, I’ve been blessed with so many smart, strong, hilarious friends. I am in a loving, supportive relationship with my best friend, I have two adorable cats who bring me joy literally every single day and I live in the greatest city in the world. Oh yeah and I’m living my dream. Nothing’s perfect, but everything is just right.

odds and ends

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I’m tired and achy and ready for bed. So here are just a few things I can’t bring myself to piece into paragraphs:

  • I enjoy going to the post office, specifically the huge on 8th Avenue that’s open until late at night.
  • My baking and kitchen skills are constantly improving.
  • I hung out with my friend Geoff’s four-year-old today. Otto and I went to the park and had hot chocolate. He has the sweetest little face and is a delight to be around. Oh and traversing Manhattan with a kid is a totally different scenario than traversing it without one.
  • I ordered a few DVDs off Netflix. I’ll let you know how that goes.
  • Sometimes I’m incredibly overwhelmed at the prospect of growing the bakery. Fanny & Jane is doing well, we’re having fun, but every once in a while, I’m terrified. Meep!
  • I’m daydreaming about a beach vacation.
  • Tomorrow morning Kevin and I are having a meeting at a coffee shop over our laptops. Fun!
  • I’ve been drinking spinach, banana, flax seed and vanilla soy milk shakes each morning. They’re delicious.
  • I’ve taken a yoga class every other day since January 1. I’m proud of this accomplishment.
  • I’ve been trying hard to eat better since returning from vacation. Sometimes I trip up because of cookies.
  • I have been craving movie-watching lately. Have I mentioned?
  • Our little girl cat, Kaia, came out into the living room while someone new was at the house tonight. First time for everything.
  • I’m excited to be able to go for jogs and long walks outside once the weather warms up. Today is was light at 5pm! That’s a start! And it’s supposed to be in the 40s later this week. There’s hope for us yet.
  • It dawned on me the other day that I’m living the dream I set out to achieve when I started this blog. Nothing’s perfect, and I couldn’t have expected this exact lifestyle, but I’m here. And here is pretty good.

a few last vacation photos

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This is my cousin Trisha’s dog, Claire, who traveled with us (and without her mom!) to my grandparents house for Christmas. She’s adorable, snuggly, and afraid of everything. She’s a lover.

Two grown men who love their girlfriends very much have been joining my family for Christmas for the last few years. And they’re troopers about it. They wear their holiday headbands with confidence. They also did almost all the shoveling.

Kevin’s new hat is arguably his favorite addition to his wardrobe in recent months.

The natural light in my mother’s house is tremendous. Our apartment doesn’t have a lot of natural light so I felt spoiled to wake up in it several days in a row.

back to work!

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Being home for the holidays was really nice. I actually feel mentally prepared to return to a working lifestyle tomorrow morning. I wouldn’t turn down another week of vacation – I’m sure I could find some way to fill the time – but I’m looking forward to returning to a bit of structure too.

It’s currently Sunday night, and we’ve been home since New Year’s Eve. We’ve done next to nothing during this long weekend back in Brooklyn and I, for one, have enjoyed that very much. Kevin and I have watched movies, gone to the movies, gone out to dinner, met dear friends for brunch and laid around the house. SO. GREAT. And I have a loose plan for tomorrow, a to-do list in place, and a plan to hit up a middle of the day yoga class in the city. A wonderful way to ease out of vacation, if you ask me.

As I said, being home was lovely. It wasn’t perfect. There was some minor family drama, about which I’d never go into detail here because a.) who cares and b.) you don’t blog about family drama, minor or major. I love my family very much and sometimes it’s challenging to all be together in a big group for a bunch of days at once. That’s okay. That’s how families are. Beyond the expected stress that the holidays can bring, I had a carefree trip.

We ate a lot, for one thing. And in keeping with one of my new year’s resolutions, I am not going to get all over my own case about that, because that’s silly. I simply state it as a fact. I think I met my quota of red meat, fast food and lack of nutritional value for a while. And I did so pretty joyfully. This guy didn’t seem to mind either.

I introduced him to some essential midwest cuisine including Culvers, where the cheese curds are world-famous. He liked ‘em.

We did a lot of driving too, which is something we never get to do in New York because we don’t own a car. We drove five hours down to my grandparents house in Quincy, we drove down to the city of Chicago a couple times, and we drove all around Crystal Lake, up and down the roads where I learned to drive, where I dropped high school friends off at their houses before curfew, where I became independent. It was a blast.

I read a lot, got to spend some time with my mom’s cats and my cousin Trisha’s dog, watched a lot of bad TV and basically left the crazy baking weeks that led up to this vacation behind me. There was even a point surprisingly early on in the trip when I actually felt like spending another day baking and packaging and being on my feet all day might not be so bad. Truth be told, there was never a time when I swore off the whole experience entirely. I learned a ton from all the work we did – what I want, what I don’t, when I need to ask for help, how to potentially grow this little business. It’s very exciting!

The lovely thing about making your own schedule is that when it’s not an overwhelmingly busy time you can give yourself a little leeway and take things as they come. Still, I am looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning and putting my vacation goggles away for a little while.

january 1, 2010

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Happy New Year, all!

You may have noticed that I took a little vacation from the blog. Truth be told, I took a vacation from everything. And I’m still riding it out. I return to “work” on Monday, January 4, like much of the rest of the world will. The last two weeks have been many things, but they’ve mostly been blissful.

First, I have to mention that this blog turns 1 year old on Tuesday, January 5. That fact has been on my mind, along with the memory that this time last year found me finally making some concrete decisions about what the next 12 months would bring into my life, and deciding to write a blog about it. It’s amazing what can happen in a year.

That bit aside, there are so many things I want to tell you guys about my journeys over the last two weeks, but I’ll save them for upcoming posts. I got lotsa great pics I’m excited to share too.

I will tell you that Kevin and I left our apartment to head to the airport at 5am on Saturday 12/19. We hadn’t slept a wink when we got in the cab to make our 7am flight. A snowstorm was about to hit the East Coast and our Saturday afternoon flight had been canceled. So we spent all Friday night and early early Saturday morning cleaning the house and preparing to leave on an earlier flight that might beat the storm. It was a most appropriate end to the insane two weeks (er…two months?) that had just graced our lives. In retrospect, it was almost ridiculous to have assumed that anything other than a crazy late night of rushing around and never sleeping would have occurred.

Still, we arrived in Crystal Lake, Illinois, my hometown, around 9am Saturday morning and in one piece. I was so grateful for the huge, warm bed my mom made up for us, the delicious breakfast she prepared for us, and the amazing nap we took all afternoon. When we woke up we were finally – FINALLY – on vacation. And I didn’t look back.

Flash forward to last night, New Year’s Eve, when Kev and I arrived back in New York late at night and barely made it to our apartment in time to grab some late night take-out and catch the ball dropping on TV. I crashed into bed shortly after that, and woke up today eager to greet the new year, and excited to celebrate Kevin and my three-year anniversary.

Now that we’re home, I’m planning to ease back into my normal life. Although traveling isn’t always stress-free, I ate up every moment of this two week break. I haven’t been out of the city for that long in over seven years.

Today, January 1, 2010, was a wonderful day in my life. I told Kevin last night that I’d noticed a yoga place in Park Slope was holding a detox flow class at 12:30pm on New Year’s Day, and that I was going to go to it.  Luckily, he didn’t mind, which was very good of him considering it was our anniversary. After my yoga class we met up for a movie and a nice, long dinner. We saw Sherlock Holmes, which we both loved, and then went to dinner at a popular and critically acclaimed Brooklyn pizza place called Franny’s. We’d gotten a generous gift certificate for Franny’s, a place we’d been dying to try, from our landladies for Christmas and we figured this was the perfect night to use it. The food was incredible. We literally oohed and aahed over each dish. And I can’t wait to tell you about the whole experience. Soon!

We’re now tucked onto the couch watching Lord of the Rings and doing computer stuff. And I could not have asked for a more perfect day. Also, I love this guy. He’s my best friend.

The yoga class I took today was wonderful. It was exactly what I needed to mentally and physically feel like I’d made a good choice on this first day of the year. On my way there, I remembered the first ever yoga class I took at Bend & Bloom, the simple little studio a few subway stops from our apartment. It was almost a year ago that I timidly walked to their studio, unsure what to expect. I hadn’t been practicing yoga for very long and I certainly hadn’t been to many (if any) formal classes beyond the ones my gym offered. My friend Jen was going to be teaching the class and I was also eager to ask her some questions afterward about her experience as a yoga teacher. I had just begun my search for What Would Come Next in my life, and being a yoga teacher was near the top of the list of things I wanted to explore.

That day a year ago, I snapped a photo of the classic Brooklyn street I walked down on my way to the class and I wrote this short blog entry afterward. And today, almost a year later, I took a photo from a similar perspective.

I knew the streets themselves, just a year apart, probably wouldn’t look very different. But my perspective has changed. I remember walking to that class a year ago feeling a sense of sadness and uncertainty. I was sad to have returned to work after the holiday break, I was facing the gloom of January as best I could and failing, and I just felt like discovering a new direction was going to be tough.

Today when I took a photo of the street I walked down on my way to class, I felt peaceful and content. My life isn’t perfect, but as 2010 begins, as the first day of the year draws to a close, I’m happy, healthy and looking forward to what this year will bring. What more could I need?

I hope you all had a nice holiday season and are gearing back up to return to real life, if you haven’t had to already. Enjoy these last few days of relaxation, if you can. One of my resolutions for 2010 is to take loving care of myself and my body whenever possible (and it’s always possible). I hope you will spend some time doing the same. It’s important to make yourself your first priority.

cats and humans

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These two are so precious lately. I think they’re really loving having us home all the time. (Kevin and I both work from home right now.)

The little girl, Kaia, the fluffy one, is technically my cat. And it’s almost like she knows it too. We both feed them regularly, we both pet them regularly, but Kaia seems to prefer me to Kevin. I don’t mind this one bit, since I’ve almost never been a cat’s preferred human. (I semi-tortured our cat when I was a kid. Let’s just say, I tried to dress her up one too many times. And my mother is convinced that it traumatized her for life, which is why she spent her last years never coming up from the basement and hissing at anyone new.)

When I wake up in the morning, Kaia has usually been laying next to me snuggling for the last little while. She eventually runs into the other room before I’m out of bed. But the moment she hears the covers rustle – the very moment – she comes DARTING back into the bedroom, jumps up onto my side of the bed, and mews and demands more cuddles. It’s the best! She never does this with Kevin. She tolerates him, but he just doesn’t get it DAD.

Chawser, on the other hand, adores his Dad and I will never compete. He literally climbs into Kevin’s lap on a regular basis – this is something I’ve almost never seen a cat do in my years with cats – and wants to be held, pet, smooched and generally tended to. It’s precious. He does it several times a day and he also loves for Kevin to pick him up and carry him around the house.

He wasn’t always this way. When Kevin first got him, he was terribly skittish, really nervous and rarely liked to be touched by anyone. Now he will even tolerate plenty of smooches from his annoying Mom.

Kaia was also much jumpier when we first got her. In fact, she hated us for weeks. The fact that she’s come around as much as she has – even if it’s just for me, even if she still hides in our bedroom whenever there’s anyone new in the house and does not come out until they leave, even if she spent an entire 12 hour period hiding in the window when I had some girl friends sleep over one night – the fact that she’s come around is pretty amazing.

Cats seem to be resilient and constantly changing in that way. A cat’s personality one year may very likely be totally different the next year. I suppose people are like that too, it just takes more time for their changes to be apparent.

I’m happy working from home. I love being here all day long to spend time with Kevin and our cats, who obviously bring us a lot of joy. It can sometimes be frustrating for both of us humans who live here to be trying to work together in one relatively small space, but we do okay. We get to eat breakfast and lunch together, we get to advise each other on aspects of our businesses and careers when we need help and it’s nice to see each other more often.

As much as I’m working hard to get this little bakery of ours through the holiday season, as much as it sometimes feels unfair that my friends get to go to parties and dinners and spend time with each other when I have to work an event or bake a cake, I’m still glad I made this choice. I’m having a lot of fun, and I’m learning so quickly, more than I ever imagined I could, about what it means to own your own business. I feel like an adult. And I’m really proud of what I’ve created.

thankful

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I wish I had more time to blog today, but it’s just not happening. I’ve gotten smart about how I’m actually going to get all these Fanny & Jane orders out the door before we leave town in less than three weeks. I learned from the Thanksgiving rush that if I don’t plan way ahead of time, organize myself in a major way AND ask for help from some volunteer Fanny & Jane elves (a.k.a. My darling friends who are generous and kind and are going to save my life this month.) it will never get done. So I’m planning to do those things this time around. Get organized, ask for help and use my time wisely.

I had a great therapy session yesterday where I talked about how stressful the Thanksgiving rush of sweet-selling was, and she kept saying to me, “It’s really hard,” over and over. She’s right. It’s not impossible, but certainly challenging.

Again! I’m not complaining! Just observing. This is hard work. And if I don’t, for example, wake up every day and exercise, exercising is not going to get done. And if I don’t sit down every day and have lunch, it’s not going to get eaten. And I’m going to have to cancel plans with friends when I don’t want to, and buy frozen meals to have for dinner when I don’t want to. Because that’s just the situation I’ve put myself in. I’m not sorry I’m in this situation at all. I’m learning a ton. And it’s an adjustment.

I apologize if I sound like a broken record.

I got up early again today, in the 8 o’clock hour – that’s two days in a row! – and I did an hour of yoga. And now, I’m going to finish up some computer work and get to baking. We have an event tonight, another one tomorrow, a bazillion orders to get out the door by the weekend (Thanks for your orders, all!! I love seeing them roll in…). We also have a holiday party to cater, and then one, maybe two, large corporate orders to get out the door next week. Yikes. And that’s just what I already know about. I’m sure things will come up that I don’t expect. So I’ll be in the kitchen this afternoon. And I’ll be in bed at a reasonable hour tonight. So that I’m ready to get up early tomorrow and do it all over again.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with some choice photos from our Thanksgiving weekend. Because that’s all I got.